For Fathers Day
“The Gift of Wisdom”
by Dan Doyle
On a beautiful afternoon, a son called his father, seeking advice.
“Father, your six-year-old grandson is taking quite an interest in sports. At this stage, he seems to like just about every sport he tries. Do you have any thoughts about how my wife and I should guide your grandson?”
“It is a good question, son, and I am glad you asked me. Even though the youth sports world has changed since you were a boy, I believe the same approach your mother and I took with you and your siblings is still the right course. Let my grandson explore various sports at this point. You and my daughter-in-law should introduce him to different options. He will figure out which ones appeal to him, just as you did.”
“Good advice, Father.”
Five years later, on a warm summer Saturday, a son called his father in a state of good cheer.
“Father, I have wonderful news. Your grandson has made the Little League All-Star team, one of only three eleven-year-olds to do so.”
“That is wonderful, Son. And I will call my grandson to congratulate him. But Son, please remember to keep this accolade in perspective. My grandson has been blessed with good size and coordination. With kindness, remind him that such early achievement is commendable, but is generally more the result of physical gifts than hard work. Tell him that if he continues to enjoy sports, many hours of practice and sacrifice will await him.”
“I will do so, Father,” said the son.
One year later, the son called his father, once again seeking advice.
“Father, your grandson had another fine Little League season. For the second straight year he was selected to the All Star team and his batting average was .390. But last evening, I received a call that caused me concern. The caller was the town’s travel team basketball coach. He wants your grandson to join the travel team, but the coach said that you grandson must drop all other sports, including baseball, due to the time commitment required of the travel basketball team program. Your grandson loves both sports and is not sure what to do.”
“Son, at twelve years old, it is too early for my grandson to make such a decision. Team sports do not require the early specialization that certain individual sports, such as gymnastics and swimming, seem to require. At this point, my grandson should focus on enjoying both sports, developing his skills, making new friends, and deriving the benefits of playing on different teams. Let his heart be his guide. If, in time, he wishes to choose just one sport, that is fine. But there is no need to do so at this time. My grandson can still play in basketball leagues, attend basketball camps, and even work with a personal coach, if funds permit. And if he is good enough in the coming years, a spot on the travel team will be available. But for now, the travel team coach is wrong to make such a demand of a twelve-year-old.”
“Thank you, Father.”
— — — — — — — — — — —
Thirty months later, on a brisk March evening, the son again called his father.
“Father, your grandson had a fine basketball season. He was one of only six freshmen on the JV team, and he started in several games. He now has an important decision to make. At fourteen, he has grown to 6’1” and basketball has become his first love. And as you know, the school’s varsity team has been one of the best in the state. By next week, he needs to decide whether to try out for the JV baseball team or join the town travel basketball team. As you predicted more than two years ago, there is a spot for him on the travel team. But the spring travel basketball schedule will conflict with baseball. He would like to play travel basketball, and he knows that this decision may end his baseball career. But he said that he has thought it through, that basketball is clearly his first love, and that this is what he would like to do.”
There was a moment of silence, and then the grandfather spoke up.
“Son, I am glad to hear of this, for what my grandson is going through is an important life experience. He is looking at an issue from various angles and coming to a reasoned decision. This is a very important and valuable process. As he approaches fifteen, and given all of the factors, it is perfectly fine for him to choose basketball, provided he understands that the time commitment of specialization in one sport may in no way undermine his academics or his family obligations. Son, as long as my grandson understands the consequences of his decision, he should make the decision, and you and my daughter-in-law are wise to let him do so. And, by the way, he is only a freshman. If he should change his mind about baseball, he can always try out for the sport next year.”
“Thank you, Father.”
— — — — — — — — — — —
Twenty months later, on a windy November evening, a son called his father in a state of despair.
“Father, I have sad news. Your grandson broke his right arm in basketball practice today. He had made the varsity team as a junior and it looked as if he would get playing time on an outstanding team. He is now 6'3”, was playing both guard and forward, and was so looking forward to the upcoming season. Now, he will miss most or all of the season, and he is devastated.”
“My Son, I can well understand your concern. And I will call my grandson to encourage him, as I certainly understand his reaction as well. But believe it or not, many years from now, with the proper approach, you, my daughter-in-law, and my grandson will all look at this experience as one of the most meaningful in my grandson’s life.”
“How so, Father?”
“Because all situations provide us with opportunities to grow, but none as much as facing disappointment. Son, this injury will increase the scope of my grandson’s life experience, which can prove invaluable.”
“Tell me more, Father.”
“Well, my grandson will find out, as we all discover, that disappointment, if treated properly, can be a gift …it can develop inner strength… strength that will be required to lead a happy and productive life. Indeed, when we face down the disappointment … call its bluff… learn from it, rather than run away from it, it helps us develop the essential quality of resilience. Tell my grandson to meet the wind-not to run away from it. Tell him that meeting the wind builds mental strength. And you know, Son, this particular situation might well help my grandson become a better basketball player.”
“How so, Father?”
“Well, since basketball is his favorite sport, tell my grandson that the very same thing happened to the greatest early era basketball player, Bob Cousy. When Cousy was a boy, he too broke his right arm. Straight away, he decided to turn a negative into a positive.”
“What did he do, Father?”
“Over the course of the healing process, Cousy did everything with his left hand-from writing, to opening doors, to eating, and, most assuredly, to practicing his dribbling and shooting with his left hand. Months later, when his right arm had fully healed, he found he could go to his left as well as his right, an added dimension that helped him become the great player he was. He did what my grandson must do-he turned disappointment into advantage.”
“Father, I will tell your grandson this story. I like it for many reasons, including giving your grandson some knowledge and history of the sport he has grown to love.”
Thirteen months later, early on a frigid December Saturday morning, a son called his father once again.
“Father, despite his full recovery from his broken arm, and his marked improvement as a player, including being able to go to his left much better than prior to his injury, your grandson is not starting as a senior. At last night’s game, he played sparingly, and was quite disappointed when he arrived home. I plan to talk with him today and would like your advice on what to say.”
“Tell my grandson that his frustration is understandable. He has become a skilled player, and sitting on the bench is never easy. But remind him that he is playing for one of the best high school teams in the state. And tell him a true story about another highly motivated young man who loved basketball; who was a fine player; but who, as a senior, found himself on the bench of the best high school basketball team in his state of Hawaii, a team that would go on to win the State Championship. Like my grandson, the young man was frustrated, and he gave serious thought to quitting. But he stayed the course, finished the season, and contributed off the bench to his team’s championship. Years later, he would credit his great success in life in part to his basketball experience, particularly the lessons he learned about overcoming frustration and not giving in. And he came to realize that being on a team, in his case an outstanding team, was rife with opportunities to learn and grow in such critical areas as the selfless ambition required of good team members. He also learned something I recommend that you talk to my grandson about-the notion of impermanence. He discovered that life is a series of transitions and that we can learn invaluable lessons from each of these transitions. And by the way, he never lost his love of basketball. In fact, he still plays the game.”
“He sounds like quite a man, Father. What does he do now?
“He is the President of the United States.”
Three months later, on a chilly March morning, the son called his father once again.
“Father, I have great news. About three weeks ago, your grandson broke into the starting lineup. The coach told your grandson that his constant improvement as a player, and his positive attitude, resulted in the decision. Well, Father, over the last three weeks, your grandson seemed to get better with each game, and last night in the State Championship game, he led his team to victory.”
“I am so pleased, my Son… so very pleased!!”
“I knew you would be, Father, and there is more. You see, after the game, your grandson was offered a full basketball scholarship to a Division I school.”
“That is wonderful news, my Son. And I will call my grandson to offer my congratulations on the championship and scholarship offer. But Son, I would ask that you, my daughter-in-law, and grandson consider all of the factors before making a final decision.”
“Tell me more, Father.”
“For the last several years, my grandson has told me of his dream to become a doctor. A Division I basketball experience has many advantages, including exposure to some very fine leaders. But it also requires an unrelenting time commitment, one that would likely preclude a pre-med course load. Before receiving this scholarship offer, my grandson seemed interested in several fine Division III schools, where basketball and pre-med would more easily blend. Son, I am thrilled with the news of the scholarship offer, but I suggest that you, my daughter-in-law, and my grandson take all of the factors into consideration …for this is a very important decision.”
— — — — — — — — — — —
Many years later, on a June Sunday morning, an elderly man received a call from his eight-year-old great-grandson.
“Great-grandfather, even though we will be seeing you this afternoon, I wanted to call you to wish you a Happy Father’s Day.”
The old man sat back in his easy chair and smiled.
“Great-grandson, it is wonderful to hear your voice, and your call means so much to me. Now tell me, what are your plans this morning?”
“Well, my Father was called to the hospital very early to perform emergency surgery. He just phoned Mother to say he is on his way home. When he arrives, we will go to church, then pick up Grandfather, and then come to get you. Then, we will all go to an afternoon dinner.”
“I am so glad of this, Great-grandfather, for I like it when we are together.”
“So do I, Great-grandson.”
“Great-grandfather, I have a question:What does wisdom mean?”
“Well, I suppose it means using good sense, good judgment, knowing the right path to follow. And generally, wisdom is acquired over the course of a person’s lifetime, and is based on many experiences, some good and some not so good. Why do you ask this question, my Great-grandson?”
“Because … well… because whenever I hear my father talk about you, he always says that you are a man of great wisdom. Great-grandfather, someday I hope that people will say that about me.”
“I am sure they will, my Great-grandson.”
— — — — — — — — — — — —
When the elderly man hung up the phone, he was overcome by the
moment…deep… absorbing…a moment of utter contentment.
Taken from Dan Doyle’s “The Encyclopedia of Sports Parenting”, winner of the Foreword Book Award.
